OnlineHost: Join renowned authority on spirituality and self-empowerment,
Iyanla Vanzant, at 9 pm ET tonight! Iyanla Vanzant appeared recently on the Oprah Winfrey Show last Friday, and will be appearing on a future Oprah Show in October. Iyanla Vanzant is the author of "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" and "In the Meantime.ö
HarpoAce: Welcome everyone to tonight's meantime event with Iyanla Vanzant! Welcome Iyanla!
IyanlaVanz: Good Evening. And how have you been in the meantime?
HarpoAce: Hi AWright40, you have our first question for Iyanla!
Question: I understand that we should all position ourselves to be ready for a man, but is it all right to actively pursue a man?
IyanlaVanz: I don't know what it means to position yourself to be ready. I believe that when you are ready, everything--desire and need -- will be positioned divinely in your life.
HarpoAce: Thanks for coming MAIDENKAT, here's your question for Iyanla Vanzant, "In the Meantime"
Question: Iyanla, how do I change the pattern of my life after I have lived it this way for so long. Any advice? How do I love myself?
IyanlaVanz: Begin with your language. We are conditioned to pour clean water into a dirty glass. What we must do is clean the glass. When we develop and embrace a loving language that allows us to communicate to ourselves and others, in love and with love, the glass gets clean.
HarpoAce: Hi JHesse1, you've got the next question for Iyanla,
Question: Ms. Vanzant, I care for my 78 yr. old mother. There are days when I wish I didn't. I ask God to help me on those days, but sometimes itÆs not enough. What do you suggest?
IyanlaVanz: Do what you don't want to do when you don't want to do it. That is how to open your heart to receive abundantly.
HarpoAce: LadyAvolo, here you go!
Question: Love what you have to say, and I know that it is true. I have, in the past, attracted the same kind of men into my life, and I want to change this. I know it works, but I am not sure how to change.
IyanlaVanz: Repetition is the mother of skill. You must become conscious of every thought and word. As you do this repeatedly, you will develop the skill of doing
it unconsciously.
HarpoAce: Welcome AKALucky1, thanks for coming, here's your question for Iyanla,
Question: Although my name doesn't say it, I've given up on hope and joy and faith. I've given up on people. Yet, in the pit of my stomach/heart, I don't want to. It's a difficult struggle. How can I start over when I'm so afraid to try again?
IyanlaVanz: Give up the fear!
HarpoAce: Hi LdyofPain, here you go!
Question: I heard you say on Oprah the other day that seven years ago you were in a position in which you couldn't pay your rent. How did you get out of that situation, and how did you get the knowledge to learn what you know now?
IyanlaVanz: Always had the knowledge, couldn't figure out how to do it. So, I asked God to give me a new idea. And she did.
HarpoAce: You're up, HEARTin N
Question: I've been watching all Oprah's shows, the only question I have is how do you release the anger and resentment?
IyanlaVanz: Write it out. Do your homework. That's how. Write it out. If what you are doing, thinking, saying, feeling is not getting you what you want. Do think, feel, say something out. If you want to get rid of the anger, stop saying you're angry, etc., etc.
HarpoAce: Hi SHYONE303, you've got the next question for Iyanla Vanzant,
Question: How do I get past the scars of a sexual assault as a child to move on to be a healthy adult with a good attitude about men?
IyanlaVanz: Do you really want to know the answer? It ain't what you think it is.
HarpoAce: Hi GINNYSLAW, here you go!
Question: I'm forty and have been dating a man for two years. I don't want kids, but I would like to be married. He's a great guy and I love him, but I know he's not ready to get married and may not ever be. IÆm scared I'm wasting time, even though I'm having fun.
IyanlaVanz: Why ask what you already know?
HarpoAce: Zorfar, here you go!
Question: Iyanla, the thing that spoke to me the most about your recent appearance on Oprah was when you asked one of the guests what would it take for her to be happy today if her life was never going to change? How do we get to the answer of that question?
IyanlaVanz: Do you need to be more patient? More compassionate? More trusting? More honest? Figure out what you're not doing. Do it and you will find peace.
HarpoAce: Peach523, here's your question,
Question: How do you stop hating someone that is making your life a living hell?
IyanlaVanz: Stop. Just stop. Do your homework.
HarpoAce: KY SCARLE, here's your question,
Question: Are you working on a new book and if so when will be out?
IyanlaVanz: It's a secret.
HarpoAce: AKALucky1, here you go!
Question: How do we clean the glass?
IyanlaVanz: Do your homework!
HarpoAce: Hi Ginatoons, here's your question for Iyanla,
Question: I can't believe I have this opportunity. Thank you. I am trying to find my own identity with a very bad break away from the Mormon church. How do you suggest to help my family? Understand I am my own person, and have different views now on spiritual maters.
IyanlaVanz: What other people think about you is none of your business. Mind your own business. Stop explaining.
HarpoAce: Dellebe, thanks for coming, here's your question,
Question: How do you stay positive, and focused on goals when you are surrounded by negatives?
IyanlaVanz: Eat chocolate. And if that doesn't work, have a bowl of ice cream. It is hard to hate somebody when you got chocolate and ice cream.
HarpoAce: HI Rider397, thanks for coming tonight, here's your question for Iyanla Vanzant,
Question: My spouse is entering the ministry, and I have some trepidation about it. I mean a "minister's wife!" I am a tomboy, a questioner. Other's expectations can and will affect my spouse, how can I deal with that?
IyanlaVanz: Read "The Power of a Praying Wife."
HarpoAce: LSeigoso, here's your question,
Question: Iyanla, I feel like "there must be more than this," when it comes to the relationship I'm in now. How do I know if I'm being realistic?
IyanlaVanz: What do you want? Figure it out and believe you can have it.
HarpoAce: Welcome Coop208, here's your meantime question for Iyanla V.
Question: Last month I found out my husband was having an affair. We then signed divorced papers. It has been a month now and I feel good. I am ready to start life. What is the first thing I should do for me?
IyanlaVanz: Go to God.
HarpoAce: Ditmot, here you go!
Question: Why do women mistreat good men when they have them?
IyanlaVanz: Lack of chocolate. (laughing)
HarpoAce: NORMA A B, here you go,
Question: How do we begin that language, or even begin to know how to love ourselves in the way you speak of?
IyanlaVanz: Read my books.
HarpoAce: Hi NancyElle, here you go!
Question: How do you work on yourself and really try to improve yourself if your partner doesn't want to take that journey with you? Do you do it alone anyway?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely. You have to do it alone. You were born alone. You will die alone.
HarpoAce: EBigg, here you go,
Question: Ms. Vanzant, what advice do you have for me. I have just broken up with my soulmate? Thanks.
IyanlaVanz: Pray, cry, pray, eat chocolate. That's the cure for everything.
HarpoAce: Hi Ditmot, here you go!
Question: Why do you call God a she?
IyanlaVanz: Why not?
HarpoAce: SJoh17242, thanks for coming, here's your question,
Question: How do I meet more positive people?
IyanlaVanz: Everybody is positive. They may behave otherwise. Your job is to know the truth about them.
HarpoAce: Suma826, here's your question!
Question: How do you get past dealing with your sister who is very mean-spirited?
IyanlaVanz: Pray for her and see the good in her.
HarpoAce: PEARLIELA, here's your question,
Question: When you were last on Oprah you gave homework. Could you please
repeat it?
IyanlaVanz: Today the homework assignment was: Today I accept that I have experienced ________________ (Fill in the blank with your description of what
you are experiencing. Follow that statement with: Today I am willing to experience
__________________ (Fill in the blank with what you desire to experience now.) Write each sentence nine times. A day for the next twenty-one days.
HarpoAce: KPSB2, you've got the next question for Iyanla, author of "In the Meantime,"
Question: Welcome Iyanla, I was wondering about my relationship with my male friend I have had for ten years. I love him dearly and he loves me as a friend, not romantically. I seem to feel that if I let go of him he will discover he loves me back and it will be too late.
IyanlaVanz: You cannot move in the spiritual universe, if it is yours you cannot lose it. If it is not yours and you let it go, you make room for what is yours. Either way you can't lose.
HarpoAce: Our next question for Iyanla is from BScha9464,
Question: How do you stop grieving for the man you spent two years with in a wonderful relationship and then marriage? His death never leaves my mind even with working and having very good friends.
IyanlaVanz: Grieving is a very personal matter. That is very specific to the grieve. Take your time. All the time you need. In time, you will feel release and relief.
HarpoAce: NORMA A B, here's your question!
Question: I am frequently asked by my best friend how I feel emotionally and I can never give her an answer, because I NEVER know how I am feeling. How do you know what different emotions feel like or how do you get them out?
IyanlaVanz: Use terms and phrases that describe and identify the experience. For example, I feel like a mop used to scrub five-hundred floors, or, I feel like a size five red-sequined dress.
HarpoAce: Weisstyli, thanks for coming, here's your question for Iyanla,
Question: My problem is not about finding love, but about finding peace within my body. I have places in me that are literally armored, and I have been in a lot of pain for several years. Please, help!
IyanlaVanz: 1) Talk to your body. Talk to the pain. It will answer you. 2) Do your homework. 3) Read my books. 4) Eat chocolate.
HarpoAce: Hola Mrvnmrtn3! You've got the next question for Iyanla,
Question: What are your goals in life?
IyanlaVanz: To serve God, totally, selflessly, unconditionally, all the time.
HarpoAce: Hi there WMCox, your question is next,
Question: I'm ready for a committed relationship with a man, but I'm way past a size six. How do you get a man to be attracted to what's inside and not outside?
IyanlaVanz: Stop pointing it out to him, to me and to the rest of the world. God made Chihuahuas and he made St. Bernards.
HarpoAce: LReed156, here you go,
Question: I enjoy reading your books. I find them very inspirational. I loved that you came to Boston in June. Are planning to come back? We need you here.
IyanlaVanz: No plans, at the moment.
HarpoAce: MILLEE22, here you go!
Question: Iyanla, thanks for sharing your gift with us. How do I know when all my experiences have been accepted and forgiven by me? I've been doing this same kind of inner work for a while. Is there a tool I can use to dig even deeper?
IyanlaVanz: You will know when you can think about where you've been, what you've done, and it no longer creates any reaction in your body. The only tool you need is a willing heart and an open mind.
HarpoAce: KY SCARLE, here you go!
Question: What advise would you give our President about his present situation?
IyanlaVanz: He doesn't need advice. We do.
HarpoAce: CPN062751, you've got our last question for Iyanla!
Question: I was wounded as a child but overcame. No, I love a man who was also wounded, but he won't commit, because he is still hurting. What do I do?
IyanlaVanz: Stop seeing him as hurt. When you make the shift, he will or he will leave.
HarpoAce: That's all the time we have with Iyanla tonight! Thanks for coming everyone!
IyanlaVanz: The path to your greatest good is right where you are. Begin within. And be blessed.
HarpoAce: Iyanla will join us in early October for another LIVE auditorium after her appearance on the Oprah Show! If you missed any part of tonight's event, or want to get the meantime homework, go to Oprah.com or Oprah Online to get the transcript! See you in the meantime! Good night!
